Hullo ma wee blog,
Another sleepless night. The insomnia which has come and gone over the years has come again recently and I spent all of last night wishing I could get to sleep, either from the duvet wrapped depths of my bed or from the sofa in the lounge or the comfy chair in the library.
It's one of the worst feelings I've experienced, being dog tired and yet being unable to sleep. When I'm in one of these periods I often find myself resenting the fact that I get tired, hating the torture of knowing that no matter how knackered I'm feeling that the bed is just a temptation and won't give me the rest I crave. I come to hate my bed at times like this - so different from the comfortable place it normally is, I begin to see it as almost deceitful with it's promise of a soft embrace and a good nights kip.
Insomnia laden nights leave me exhausted and barely able to function during the day after a while and again resenting the fact that when you want to be awake you'll instead be almost comatose and will spend the day dreaming of sleep or dozing off for fitful minutes at a time, waking defensively as you want to increase the chances of a good nights sleep tonight. So, not only is the night a battle to get to sleep, but the day is a battle to stay awake. For once I'm glad I'm not working, especially since my previous job involved huge amounts of driving. It would be murder the way I feel this morning.
One of the rare advantages of sleepless nights is that you do get the chance to see some incredible dawns and today was one of those small consolations; the first red rays stretching out across the garden and slowly reaching toward the red sandstone walls of Sparrow Castle a hundred yards away until it turned it soft crimson and then gently softened further through to a wonderful rose colour until it in turn eventually began to pale as the sunlight proper crept up the wall and across the roof. Even feeling like I do it kept me enthralled for an hour this morning, sitting here in the library with the first coffee of the day keeping me company as I tried not to miss any part of it. Pure magic.
See you later.
Listening to
7 comments:
Hey Alistair, I feel for you matey. I'm blessed with good sleep 99% of the time, but on the rare occasions I sleep badly, I'm a wreck. And it must be cumulative, so you must be comparable to the Hesparus today. Take care matey, Indigo
Hullo Indigo,
Thanks.
Today is another night as they {almost} say.
Maaybe tonight......
Oh I feel for you too. I've been a sufferer of insomnia since about 2007. Not sure what kicked it off. But I went through a particularly bad spell in 2009 that lasted best part of a couple of months. It was crippling. I tried some cognitive behavioral therapy program for insomnia (found it online) & it really did the trick for me.I've had very rare, mild episodes since, I'm pleased to say.
Melatonin helped me when I went through a period of this.
There outta be an on/off sleep button.
I rarely have it, but when I do, it makes characters like the Hulk or Dexter more relateable.
Hope you are sleeping.
Al;
I do beleive that insomnia is a life-long curse--and why some of us have it a sort of mystery. I recall that even as a small child I was awake most nights in a house where others slept.
One can blame external matters of concern or worry--and sometimes that is a factor. More often I find my brain doesn't want to shut down--too many words and sounds and ideas skitter about making sleep impossible even though my [aging] bones cry out for rest.
I do the obvious things: extremely careful with caffeine--not eating late at night, etc. I refuse to use medication for this--a nasty cycle. Mostly I get back out of bed, curl up with a book--while you'd think I could get on with some writing or something quietly productive during these long hours it is seldom possible.
Perhaps someday there will be a reasonable answer or theory. I doubt there's a cure. Meanwhile we stare into the dark, wide-eyed and exasperated through the interminable hours of the night--and blunder about owlishly the next day.
Boy _ How I agree with that MM.
Thanks.
{another sleepless one tonight so I have been preparing ahead on the 'Sunday Post' series.....}
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