Wednesday, 5 May 2010

sometimes things go right..........

Hullo ma wee blog,

It's great when you get something right. It's important sometimes to do that. Not necessarily the big important things, but the small, the minuscule, the insignificant even. Sometimes, these are the most important in reality. Now, I suppose I'm really talking to any fellas who happen to be reading this. I think you'll know what I'm talking about when I say that getting a small thing right can have benefits exponential to the significance of whatever it is that's gone right.  Just as getting insignificant things wrong can have consequences just as exponential, and usually painful in some way, in reverse.

I think all of us, and by that I mean every husband, partner, boyfriend or whatever - us guys - have experienced a situation where an argument, a tongue lashing or even a long huffy silence has come - as far as we are concerned - completely out of nowhere to leave us stunned into bewildered silence as we try and work out what the heck went wrong, or where the heck it had come from. Anger vented, frustration unleashed and any attempt at appeasement, conciliation, or -heaven forbid- reasoning a way out of it  thrown straight back in the face. Tears and tantrummy slamming of doors given as subtle hints that maybe not everything in the garden is rosy, from one perspective at least. As far as you know you have done nothing wrong, but you're left there wondering what the heck has been going on somewhere over your head or behind your back. And of course sometimes it's nothing that we have done, nothing we have been involved in, nothing we have omitted to do or forgotten to say. Instead it's just a projection of anger or frustration from somewhere else being directed at us, innocent poor wee souls as we normally are.

Right fellas? {I think I may just have been deafened}

Sometimes though, we  have got it wrong; missed the obvious point; done the wrong thing, said the wrong thing, forgotten the wrong thing - and usually at the wrong time. Usually it's not the big thing. Usually it's the little things. Usually it's not one but a chain of events, circumstances, or worst of all  coincidences, that all combine to make our day less than pleasant. I'm not saying here either that therefore we deserve any of the stuff that's thrown our way.   If I may speak for mankind here for just a second, you women do tend to over react a little. Just a teensy-weensy wee bit. Oh come on! You KNOW you do!   I know all that 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus'  nonsense blah-blah-bleugh, but I'm old enough to know too that you women, certainly my lovely G, are perfectly capable with being in touch with your inner Martian, just as we men are easily enough capable of getting in touch with our feminine side. That's why boys are so keen to study magazines on the female form. Erm, no, perhaps not. But take my point. We are generally and thankfully different it's true, with us men being more governed by fact, by reason if you want to call it that, while you women are more moved by feelings and emotions.  That makes it more likely - in my biased book anyway -  that you are the ones who are less certain to be on an even keel, being ruled by the heart, while we sail blithely on with our 'reasoning' eyes on the factual horizon - or TV/computer as it's more commonly known - not seeing the seething turmoil of the seas right below our feet. { Nice analogy don't you think. Completely unoriginal maybe, but it's my post/my perspective - so back off girls.... and any comment floating in your head right now about 'yeah - ship of fools' is really not very helpful.}

So, it's nice when things go right. That's what happened for me yesterday. Not that I planned any of it. No surprise there perhaps. Not even that I really was completely  aware of it either. { again no surprise} I just did what felt right for me and circumstances for once conspired to put me in a place where it  all ended up being the best I could have hoped for. Um...... If I had planned it in the first place of course that is.

How it came about.........

The lovely G had gone off to the station 8 miles away for her morning train to work and I had made coffee and toast and sat down at the computer as is my morning ritual -  to check who's posted, have there been any comments left on the blog, what's in the news and switching on the favoured morning radio station to accompany me through the start of the day. Nothing unusual at all. A sunny morning, an unusually good nights sleep behind me and I was awake, happy and looking forward to doing the few bits and pieces I had planned for the day ahead. { If you read yesterdays post you'll realise that things didn't stay that way for long as I got in touch with my feelings after the post arrived} I had just taken a sip of coffee when the phone rang and a disturbed and anxious G told me that she had left her work shoes behind { like many she has a walk to the office at the other end of the train journey and so wears trainers to work and home, carrying her shoes in her shoulder bag}. She asked if I could try and rush them down to her as she had an important meeting to attend and trainers weren't perhaps most suited for the occasion.

Now on many other mornings she could have met a different reaction. I could have said it was far too late, or I'll never make it before the train/just sat down to breakfast or been less sympathetic in my tone or complained at her 'stupidity' for the mistake or a dozen other feasible yet negative, unsupporting and generally unsympathetic reactions. Luckily though I just told her to wait at the station entrance and I would be there as soon as I possibly could. I then drove like a demon to Dunbar, illegally shot through a red at some road works near the station and dropped her shoes into her worried hands as the train staff whistled for the doors to close allowing the lovely G to get on in the nick of time.  I was exhilirated by the drive and the sense of achievement in getting them there for her as I knew she was worried about the meeting later on. But this was all just luck. I could have just as easily reacted very differently as described before.

Later, feeling annoyed and frustrated by the insurance problems I looked for a way to make me feel a bit better and decided to cook a more unusual meal for us. Mainly for me it has to be said. But, the result was that G loved it, {it was delish, lom} thought that it was a great gesture to make when she had had such a tough day and a panicky start, and set her and us both up for a great evening. Mega brownie points for me. Yet although I took them all eagerly, a wee bit of me felt guilty that I had done these things predominantly for me - the drive was a fun and exciting challenge, I was bright and up for it at the time and the meal was more about making me feel better than us. Feeling a bit guilty I made a bit more of an effort to pamper her across the evening, resulting in even more brownie points. I could do no wrong.

I felt a little fraudulent, truth be told.

Maybe I was just too in touch with my femimine side in recognising that.

But I'm not letting on. I'll be in trouble soon enough. Then I'll defend myself by reminding her of how great I was to her last night when she had come home from a bad day............

Men are from Mars, but we're sneaky sometimes too.

see you later......

listening to Kate Bush 'Wuthering Heights'

{I can't wait to see the response to this one!}


Unknown said...

Al, I just adore your writing. Witty and lively, but so real. I can relate to everything you say. If work doesn't come your way soon (and I truly hope it does) please consider writing a book.

Scottish Nature Boy said...

Al - that was fun, although I tend to go with the People are from Earth school of thought and, generally, observe that there is probably as much intra-gender as inter-gender variation in behaviour or, at the very least, that the gender-specific "bell curves" of usual behaviour overlap quite a lot! Although the many studies of what each gender is looking for in a mate (as in reproductive type, not down-the-pub type - granted that, in some cases, they may be one and the same) do suggest big differences there! Wha's like us? No' many, and they're aw' apes!

Alistair said...

Cheers Jono, I'm glad you like it.

I think its great that we have two very different blogs, as after all they represent us - or a substantial part of us - creatively and yet enjoy each others outpourings; me sprouting verbal nonsense and you posting your techie and visual treats.

Thanks again....Al.

Alistair said...


Ha.....T'is weel seen yer a scientist!


Big Swifty said...

Hi Al, what a minefield of a subject! Yet so familiar. I've always tried to be reasonable, and towards the end of my first marriage my first wife explained that sometimes my reasonableness is annoying. She went on to explain that when she complained about something, she wasn't necessarily seeking a solution, she just wanted to sound off. And I thought I was helping by treating the issue like a problem to be solved. So for my second marriage I have adopted an "unreasonable person" character, and that seems to work better! And talking of gender stereotypes, my wife believes I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body, explaining some of my girlie type attitudes. Ho hum.

Alistair said...

Hullo Swifty,

Nice comment. 2nd marriages are much better don't you think. For those of us in 2nd marriages anyway!. I stopped trying to be reasonable too. I just laughed, but that was worse somehow, or so the Doctor told me when I came round.

Girly attitudes = you must be a lesbian in a mans body? How does she work that one out then?

I notice it's all boys responding here.....

I wonder what that means?

The Scudder said...

Brave man ,,,, or possibly just stoopit ?
Big Swifty got it in one ,,, Minefield country ,,at this rate I don't think you'll live long enough to write that book Al ,,
Take great care ,, eggshells & all that !
Mars calling : Come back to your home planet Al, your work there is done ,,

Alistair said...

Ah Scuddy-ma-man,

You've got to take a risk sometimes. Maybe I'm a masochist!

I didn't sit down to write that in that way. It just came out like that in the end. And if the lovely G sees it that's exaxtly what I'll tell her.

" I didn't mean to write it like that, its just came out that way Sweetheart - WRONG!"

Think it'll work???

If not I can grovel for Scotland when I have to!


Morning's Minion said...

Shall I bravely [or stupidly, depending on your viewpoint] state that I haven't quite worked out yet whether this was a bit of satire or an honest-to-goodness exploration of the male/female reactions.
I think most of us have quietly/guiltily accepted the bouquets that come with an unplanned success.
Its for sure harder to welcome brickbats when we tried to please and got it wrong anyway.
Risky situation--commenting. You might be too "deep" for me.

lom said...

This made me laugh, what can I say? I could point out that it is the little things that irritate like leaving teaspoons right next to the kitchen sink and not in it, shoes in the middle of the floor, walking mud through the kitchen after I have just scrub it, rolling socks into balls when they have to go in the washer, but I won’t, because what you have said is all true. I remember one ‘to do’ we had a long time ago where hubby said ‘if you don’t tell me how am I supposed to know I am not a mind reader’ and I yelled ‘well you should be’ it struck us both at the same time how funny that remark was and gave us both a laugh. I will let you into a little secret, we know we are being totally irrational but don’t tell anyone I told you, we love you really.

And yes 2nd marriages are better

Alistair said...

Hullo Ladies,

MM - It was a bit of truth and a bit of satire too - just a wee bit of fun. I should also have taken it too the logical conclusion of the 'brickbat' scenario too maybe....

LOM, - like squeezing the toothpaste in the middle of the tube or changing the radio off the preset station when getting in the car.....grrrrrr

And I think we had the same row - word for word!

And we love you too. It's just pasrt of that life-long battle of the sexes isn't it

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