Respectfully dedicated to the aptly named blogger TSB who is definitely twisted and obviously Scottish. I couldn't possibly comment on the last part. A somewhat grizzled and most definitely curmudgeonly teacher in New Zealand, it's the political correctness, petty bureaucracy and spectacular mismanagement that gets him down rather than the students. Never the less I hope he appreciates this tongue in cheek offering
The Lesson
Chaos ruled OK in the classroom
as bravely the teacher walked in
the nooligans ignored him
hid voice was lost in the din
"The theme for today is violence
and homework will be set
I'm going to teach you a lesson
one that you'll never forget"
He picked on a boy who was shouting
and throttled him then and there
then garrotted the girl behind him
(the one with grotty hair)
Then sword in hand he hacked his way
between the chattering rows
"First come, first severed" he declared
"fingers, feet or toes"
He threw the sword at a latecomer
it struck with deadly aim
then pulling out a shotgun
he continued with his game
The first blast cleared the backrow
(where those who skive hang out)
they collapsed like rubber dinghies
when the plug's pulled out
"Please may I leave the room sir?"
a trembling vandal enquired
"Of course you may" said teacher
put the gun to his temple and fired
The Head popped a head round the doorway
to see why a din was being made
nodded understandingly
then tossed in a grenade
And when the ammo was well spent
with blood on every chair
Silence shuffled forward
with its hands up in the air
The teacher surveyed the carnage
the dying and the dead
He waggled a finger severely
"Now let that be a lesson" he said
as bravely the teacher walked in
the nooligans ignored him
hid voice was lost in the din
"The theme for today is violence
and homework will be set
I'm going to teach you a lesson
one that you'll never forget"
He picked on a boy who was shouting
and throttled him then and there
then garrotted the girl behind him
(the one with grotty hair)
Then sword in hand he hacked his way
between the chattering rows
"First come, first severed" he declared
"fingers, feet or toes"
He threw the sword at a latecomer
it struck with deadly aim
then pulling out a shotgun
he continued with his game
The first blast cleared the backrow
(where those who skive hang out)
they collapsed like rubber dinghies
when the plug's pulled out
"Please may I leave the room sir?"
a trembling vandal enquired
"Of course you may" said teacher
put the gun to his temple and fired
The Head popped a head round the doorway
to see why a din was being made
nodded understandingly
then tossed in a grenade
And when the ammo was well spent
with blood on every chair
Silence shuffled forward
with its hands up in the air
The teacher surveyed the carnage
the dying and the dead
He waggled a finger severely
"Now let that be a lesson" he said
Roger McGough
6 comments:
Hey Alistair! In the spirit intended, I salute this poem; I know too many teachers. Indigo
Thank you for that dedication Alistair.
Where the hell did you get that photograph of me?
I love McGough's poem. I've actually got it printed and on the wall of my classroom.
I've got a box of grenades in my stationary cupboard, just in case Ringo drops in.
I usually really enjoy your Sunday Posts Al, but this one's a definite 'dislike' from me. I do like McGough, just not this poem. Can't please us all though - and I'm delighted to see that TSB is happy!
Cheers Indigo!
TSB - There's a webcam at the side of your blackboard!
Thought you'd like it!
Jane - Can't win em all.......
This poem proves that the pen may indeed be mightier than the sword. "First come, first severed" Ha!
Ouch! lol.
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