Monday, 5 October 2009

ow....OW!..Oyah!.AWLL!..AYAH!......JINGS!


Penguins. L'Oro Parque, Tenerife

Hullo ma wee blog,

It went like this.........

I had been in the kitchen, at my usual spot at the table, for a few hours working on prep for the dreaded interview when I realised that I was really, REALLY cold.

'Absolutely baltic' as we would say in these pairts.

I had been engrossed and not felt the cold creep in. We have had fairly mild weather until now and as we are on LPG, not mains gas and its quite expensive, haven't yet put on the central heating. This weekend with gales and albeit a sunny Sunday, it got cold as it got dark. Our kitchen has three outside walls, as does the lounge, and these rooms can become either warm or cold in a short time and this usually leads to us reaching for the heating controls or at the least some woolly jumpers and thicker socks.

As it was getting late I went through to the lounge where the lovely G was watching some telly. I said I was freezing and was going up to bed with a reference book on childrens hearings. { I need to look at criteria for appointing legal reps as I have a case to consider where I think this is an option.} She smiled and said she would be up shortly as her programme only had a few minutes to go.

20 minutes later I was still shivering in bed - on my own.

I am normally very warm blooded.

{The lovely G says that whales don't feel the cold!}

One of my most favourite things, sad to say, is getting into a nice cold bed. For me, its absolute luxury to stretch out in a nice cold bed, clean sheets around me and within seconds I am warm and cosy. Most evenings I will deliberately get into G's side of the bed for a few seconds and shuffle over when she gets in so she gets a nice warm bed. Cold beds are way down her list of favourites.

But it is highly unusual for me still to be cold after more than a few moments.

The lovely G's voice came floating through into the bedroom where I was determinedly trying not to shiver as I held my book.
'Can you come through here for a second?'.
I grumbled to myself and ignored her.
Her face appeared at the edge of the bedroom door.
"I said, can you come here for a second?"
She knitted her brows together as I turned and made a face which said
'I'd rather not to be honest,thanks'

'I'm freezing! I said pathetically.

" For goodness sake! It wont take a second.' Less than sympathy in the voice.

Her face disappeared........

I made a face behind her and harrumphed in a husbandly kind of way as I grudgingly heaved myself toward a reluctant exit. The bed, cold until then, seemed to have become distinctly warmer in the seconds since she had made the demand.

Seconds later I was standing beside her in the bedroom next to ours, consciously shivering to remind her of the mistreatment, neglect even, she was heaping upon my poor weak person.

How could any loving wife be so unfeeling?

I stood and looked at the baby clothes she had bought for the latest arrival courtesy of one of our friends -

{ Welcome Jacob, 8lb2oz, fit and healthy.}

- and oohed and aahed appropriately until her body language suggested that I could risk it and depart back to my waiting warm {?} bed. The lack of abuse or worse told me that I had judged it perfectly, so with a softly satisfied groan I climbed back under the duvet.

Absolutely bloody freezin'.

AGAIN!.

I measure how cold I am by my back. If I ever get a cold feeling in the middle of my back, between my shoulder blades, I am absolutely, seriously freezin cold and its time to get my back against a hot radiator, or warm fire etc. Its the last place of my body that I recognise as getting cold and when that happens its time for shutdown and concentrating on nothing other than making that hated feeling go away.

Thats just how I was feeling.

No way was I capable of trying to heat up G's side of the bed.

Not a chance.......

The lovely G, ablutions complete, arrived in the bedroom and looked pointedly at her side of the bed as she prepared to get in. I looked back. Surely she didn't think I had been across that side of our bed tonight?.

She got in, grimaced, and scooted over towards me. She gave me a hug. She felt warm. I sighed contentedly and moved in for a serious cuddle only to find she was moving back slightly. Something touched me.

In a deeply personal place.

"OW!......"

"JESUS, JACK AND JEHOVAH!!!!!"

"WHAT THE BLOOMIN HECK IS THAT. ITS FREEZIN."

The objects are withdrawn. The pain, the agony, palpably subsides.

{Sympathetic soundtrack please.}

{Erm, for me. NOT HER.}

a small voice.

"Its my feet. I'm so cold."

"Can I?" a little smile.

AAHYA!!!!!!

No! You bloomin cant!

I push her feet away several times as they try repeatedly to re-engage with my tortured flesh. If she is not careful I'm going to get freezer burn off her.

Eventually she stops and I can let out a sigh of relief. I,m still freezing. I pull the duvet tight to my neck and try to make myself small in the bed to help start a core of heat somewhere deep inside.

I look at her.

Her hair is spread across the pillow. Huge eyes are looking at me. Her lips are closed tight and one bright glistening silver tear is rolling down her cheek from the eye closest to the pillow.

a small voice. Childlike. Pleading. Fragile.

"I'm so cold."

I look back at her.

" You cant seriously be crying because you're cold and I wont let you put your freezing cold plates of meat on my poor suffering thighs?. For goodness sake.! That's not fair!"

a small voice.

"I'm sooo cooold!!!"

Aw. Naw....

"You ALWAYS let me put my feet on you"

AW. NAW.

"I'm so cold"

sniff......

SNIFF.........

crivens, jings and help ma boab.

"Aye. Ok then."

I brace myself.

Oh!


SHIIIIIIIIITTTT..............!


Listening to... Jason Mraz, 'I'm yours'


see you later.

5 comments:

Bovey Belle said...

Seriously, without an electric blanket, life would not be worth living Al! Sometimes the best bit of my day is getting into a hot (yes, HOT!) bed and snuggling down and feeling the heat steal through my freezing feet, bringing them back to life. I am a cold morsel. A bloody sassanach no less . . .

Elizabeth Rhiannon said...

Last night was our first night in the upper 20's, low 30's (sorry, I don't know the conversion)...let's just say below the freezing mark! I can sympathise! Always nice to have your wonderful other-half to cuddle up to :)

Alistair said...

Hullo girls,

Thanks for your comments......

But, PuhLEEZE........

Look at this post. There I am opening my heart, my lovely sharing, caring, warming wee heart. A lovely wee insight into the kind of wonderful, willing to sacrifice, face any pain kind of husband I really truly am and......

Aye ok. I was going for the sympathy vote. The MAJOR, wincing, eye popping, intake of breath kind of sympathy vote and what do I get......

WHAT DO I GET?

One 'I love my electric blanket' and one teensy weensy 'sympathy but at least you got to cuddle up to her' comment.

Thanks a pant load guys!

Bet if I said to the lovely G I would be told to 'get over it' and 'More of that waiting for you tonight buster'

Sometimes being a man can be so hard....

sob...

I dunno.....

regards.......Al. lol

Bovey Belle said...

Ah, but then your comments were from the, ahem, weaker sex, who expect no less from their men than to have their bed thoroughly warmed and then a cosy resting place for their frozen feet. . . This is in the event of a power cut, you understand . . .

Anonymous said...

Aye right - hard done by were you! Don't you other followers believe a word of it. He's a pampered hubby! Ha ha!!

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